It was not always thus, yet the online world is a perilous place. Or at least it is for some. What started as an adventure, a place of wonder and of possibility, has for many become a minefield, littered with temptation, corruption and evil-doing. The internet’s become a place good people allow bad things to happen, accepting them because of the good things that can happen. It is a place of division, a place of hurt, of distrust, of subterfuge.
The internet isn’t a place one can enter without protection, yet many do. And people are being hurt as a result. Many people venture onto the internet without a clue as to the traps and undercurrents that exist just below the surface. I’m one such person. Owing to the internet, I’ve allowed great harm to become me. And as person with a tendency to self-harm, I’m a different person because of the internet, a bad person, a sick person. This badness and sickness reside inside me, but the internet allows provides the oxygen needed to maintain these things.
Now, to be clear, I’m not a victim. The internet has not hurt me. It’s not picked me off like a digital sniper or made a target of me in the way a predator might its prey. I have a weakness, a flaw, a predisposition; and the internet has merely exposed my flaws with such laser-like effectiveness, I’ve become ensnared. Yes, that’s it; I’m entangled within a digital net, the webbing, razor sharp, is hooked over and through every limb, cutting me, and I’m unable to move even an inch.
I’ll never know what person I might have been were I born at a time before the internet. I suspect much would still have gone wrong for. That I’d still have found ways to mess things up. Yet it’s undeniable that the internet has effectively and cruelly exposed my weaknesses to the extent I’m likely to lose everything if I stick around the place.
And so I’m acting. It won’t be a sudden thing. It’ll take time, possibly years. After all, the internet is everywhere, everything is connected, and like most people, I’ve been using it for much of my life, every day without fail. And it’s a much as part of everyday life as are life’s essential services such as water and electricity. A person simply can’t exist without the internet, not anymore. Yet despite its ubiquitousness, despite it being at the core of nearly everything I do, I can’t allow myself to use it in the same ways as I have been.
I need to reset my relationship with the internet. I need a new digital contract, one that limits what I do and what I allow to be done. It will be tough – maybe impossible, even. I’m not naïve to think otherwise. And owing to my inability to resit its temptations, I may fall along the way. But I will get there. I have to. There’s no other way.
Furthermore, I would encourage others like me to do likewise.
This amazing thing created for good has been subverted by those motivated by power, money and lust. Surely you can see how it’s hurting people enormously every single day – young or old, the internet doesn’t discriminate. In my view, it’s out of control and for people who cannot control their behaviour when on line, the internet represents real danger. It’s a generalisation, admittedly. But there’s much evidence that the internet is ruining countless lives. Whether it be victims of cyber bullying, racism, or countless other crimes, the internet gives power to such thins. It’s broken, and it needs to change.
I’m glad to be getting out. The waters have become too deep for me. I’m relieved to be stepping out to become a bystander, watching with growing sadness as this awesome boast roars past like a hurricane.
I don’t know precisely what type of relationship I’m to have with the internet in the future. But I know it will be, must be, very different from that of the recent past.
I must change. I will changed and you might want to change, too.
Good bye internet, hello future.
TippyTappy 